My weaknesses.

I continued reading the book 'The Monk who sold his Ferrari'. In one of the later pages the monk makes a profound statement that means there is not much difference from weakness and fear. Fear comes from the weakness and actually increases the weakness. The monk asks his disciple to list down all his weaknesses. I liked this idea as well, and am jotting down my weakness (as perceived by me). Each of one of them is true to different degrees of acuteness. Not in any particular order.

• Timidity - cannot always speak my mind, and am afraid that I might hurt the other person. Even though I give an impression that I don't care, I do.
• Time management - I find it hard to manage my time correctly. I might set a deadline for one thing, but get delayed. I guess I do not prioritize things well, and mix things and thus get delayed.
• Jealousy - Sometimes I don't feel happy to see the success of others. I don't know what's the reason. If it is jealousy or anger on myself for not achieving something same or more myself.
• Intolerable - Sometimes I have seen that I cannot tolerate some people. There is something about some people that kinds of starts a chain reaction - may be in simple words "chemistry mismatch".
  
• Negotiations - I realize that I cannot negotiate well. The more the sensitive issue the bigger a failure I am.
• Lack of a killer instinct - I am almost afraid to take too strong a view or speak out strong opinions, when I actually have one. And later I feel bad (actually I would feel bad either way). I wish that when I have strong view, then either I should speak it out, and not feel bad. And when I cannot speak it out, (I should not have a strong view, and) I should not feel bad.
• Indecisive - I can be fairly indecisive many a times, especially when it involves choosing things with other people involved. I am happy if someone else breaks the tie. I guess, this is because I feel by going by the other persons' choice, I will be making them happy.. Probably not always the case.
• Lack of focus - I sometimes feel that I don't have focus in life. I want to do pretty much everything and my attention keeps jumping from one to another..

There may be other things as well, but cannot think of.. Will add things when I do.

What do I want!

I am currently reading this book: 'The monk who has sold his Ferrari'. Won't go into the details of the book, but somewhere in the book, the 'Monk' tells his disciple, that 'Find out what you really want to be, and then do it!'. And to address the first part he asks the disciple to write down what all he wanted to be.. I liked the idea, and here I am listing down all I want (to be). Kind of a wish list it is... Not in any particular order. And some of them are not practical, some of them may be repetitive and some of them are conflicting as well!

• Be recognized by people all around for positive (in my view) things.
• Be a successful researcher.
• Make a difference to the society in a self less way like - Jaya Prakash Narayan, or Vinova Bhave.
• Join politics and use the power to instill a sense of honesty among the people of the country.
• Have a non-bulging tummy.
  
• Be good in any sport that I play.
• Become a pleasant human, whom people can trust, love, and seek support.
• Have no negative (anger, fear, jealousy, irritation) thoughts in the mind.
• Empower my mind and realize the almighty.
  
• Be able to fly in the sky (all by myself).
• Be conversant with most of the classical texts (mostly mythological).
• Converse with people without actually talking/writing to them - kind of like telepathy.
• Realize the power within and be in control of/touch with every resource of the world!
• Look beautiful!
• Spread a cover of happiness everywhere I go.
  
• Learn classical music.
• Get mastery over Telugu.
• Have a blissful life - neither happy nor sad.

I am not sure if this list is complete. I have spent around 5-10 minutes and cannot think of any more easily. Will try to add to this later, if I can.. In one of the next posts I will try to sort/group/prioritize them.